Money Can Not Buy You Happiness

I am sure there will be many people who read this article and will think I am rather mad. Quite frankly I do not care. In this article I write about what in my humble opinion are the most importants things in life, health and happiness.

All that most of my friends talk about is money:

What car do you drive?

How much is your house worth?

How much do you earn?

How much did your suit cost?

Where are you going on holiday this year?

I find all of this very boring and think that they are rather sad. They seem to be in some sort of competition and they are basically obsessed about money.

I will give you an example of one such friend, his name is John. He never seems to talk about anything else and is always looking into get rich quick schemes. He is also in a lottery syndicate, of which there are about fifty members. Each member pays around ten pounds in per week. John likes to go out socialising on a Saturday night, however soon gets itchy feet at the time of the lottery draw. A few minutes later he will go to the toilet where he will then phone his girlfriend. He takes with him to the toilet a piece of paper with his numbers on and a little pen. After his girlfriend has told him which numbers were drawn, John will then then spend around twenty minutes checking his numbers, and then re-checking to see if he has any winning lines.

Eventually he returns to the group who seem very keen (apart from me) to find out how much he has won/lost. To date he has only won small amounts, however is convinced that one day he will become a millionaire. He will then start talking about the lottery, asking other people what they would buy if they were lucky enough to ever win. At this point I become very bored and start to wish I had stayed at home and watched the football.

For me the two most important things in life are health and happiness. These are two things which money can not buy. A few years ago, my dad was taken ill. He was in a real bad way and had to spend around five months in hospital. Him being ill was a huge shock to me as he was only fifty-seven. I feared the worst, even though I was trying my hardest to think and stay positive. I remember thinking, if I gave those doctors everything I own in the world, it still would not help him. I felt powerless and at that moment realised that money is only paper.

Happiness is the same, I remember at the age of twenty-one having lots of money and had been surprised that I was depressed at the same time. At other times I have had next to no money and have been extremely happy.

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Happiness Takes Work: 5 Choices to Create Happiness

All of us have met people who just seem to be happy most of the time. Perhaps you have assumed that these people are just naturally happy, or that they are the lucky people who have an easy life, or they had really loving parents. Most of the time, nothing could be farther from the truth.

Happy people are making specific choices regarding their thinking and behavior. Happy people consciously choose to think and behave in ways that result in happiness. Unhappy people are unconsciously thinking and behaving in ways that create unhappiness.

Following are five of the specific choices that happy people make:

OPTIMISM

Happy people see the glass as half full, while unhappy people choose to be pessimistic ?to see the glass as half empty. Optimistic thinking does not just happen - it is a choice regarding how you see life. Optimistic people are optimistic because they CHOOSE to be optimistic. Instead of allowing their ego wounded self to be in charge with all its doom and gloom, happy people put their loving adult self in charge and open to the wonderful possibilities that life has to offer. Happy people realize that their thinking is the beginning of a creative process that leads to manifestation. By thinking in positive ways, they move themselves to act in ways that manifest their dreams.

KINDNESS

Happy people choose to be kind and compassionate toward themselves and others. Happy people have learned that how they treat themselves and others determines much of how they feel. Happy people do not wait to be happy before being kind to themselves and others. They realize that their happiness is the RESULT of their caring behavior, not the CAUSE of it. They are kind, caring and compassionate whether or not they feel like it. They have chosen this way of being, and their happiness is the result.

FORGIVENESS

Happy people do not harbor resentment toward others, even others who have been mean and hurtful toward them. They realize that resentment makes them unhappy, so they choose to allow people their humanness and forgive them their hurtful behavior. Because happy people tend not to take personally others?uncaring behavior, they don抰 get their feelings hurt in the same way that people do who take others?behavior personally. Happy people recognize that another抯 behavior is really about that other person, so they move into compassion toward themselves and others rather than into judgment.

ACCEPTANCE

Happy people realize what they can control and what they can抰. They live by the Serenity Prayer, accepting the things they cannot change and changing the things they can. Unhappy people are constantly trying to change people and circumstances and do not accept their lack of control. As a result, they are constantly frustrated. Happy people realize they cannot control others and outcomes, so they focus on what they can control ?their own thinking and behavior. Acceptance of what they can and cannot control leads to happiness and inner peace.

GRATITUDE

Finally, happy people are consistently grateful for what they have, rather than complaining about what they don抰 have. They notice the many gifts and blessings that come their way and they frequently express gratitude for the everyday things in their lives ?the beauty of nature, the food they eat, the smile on a friend抯 face, their ability to see, hear, walk, talk. Even many disabled people who may not have the blessings of eyesight, hearing, speech or legs are often happy people because they focus on what they do have and what they can do, rather than focusing on what they are missing out on.

If you want to be happy, then you need to recognize that happiness is the result of your thinking and behavior, not the cause of it. If you choose to focus on becoming conscious of what thoughts and behavior make you feel happy, you can become a happy person ?regardless of your present circumstances. Happiness does not just happen ?it takes work!

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Happiness: The Ultimate Birthright

The key to happiness is both simple and complex. It is the sum total of more than 2,000 years of philosophy, psychology, speculation, and discussion about the meanings and sources of happiness. From Aristotle in 340 B.C. through to the modern thinkers, speakers, and writers of today, this key to happiness has hardly changed. It is the same for virtually all men and women in every country and all walks of life. The key to happiness is this: Dedicate yourself to the development of your natural talents and abilities by doing what you love to do, and doing it better and better in the service of a cause that is greater than yourself.

This is a big statement and a big commitment. Being happy requires that you define your life in your own terms and then throw your whole heart into living your life to the fullest. In a way, happiness requires that you be perfectly selfish in order to develop yourself to a point where you can be unselfish for the rest of your life.

YOUR HAPPINESS MUST COME FIRST

In Edmond Rostand抯 Play Cyrano de Bergerac, Cyrano is asked why he is so intensely individualistic and unconcerned with the opinions and judgments of others. He replies with these wonderful words: 揑 am what I am because early in life I decided that I would please at least myself in all things.?
Your happiness likewise depends upon your ability to please at least yourself in all things. However, most people are reluctant to use their own happiness as the standard by which to judge the events in their lives. This is primarily because we let others define or affect what brings us happiness. And we often believe it is more important to make other people happy than it is to make ourselves happy. This is nonsense.

Human beings are happiness-driven organisms. Everything we do in life is oriented toward maintaining and increasing our level of happiness. We are psychologically constructed so that it is impossible for us to be any other way without making ourselves mentally and emotionally ill. The fact is that you can抰 give away to anyone else what you don抰 have for yourself. Just as you can抰 give money to the poor if you don抰 have any, you can抰 make someone else happy if you yourself are miserable.

The very best way to assure the happiness of others is to be happy yourself and then to share your happiness with them. Suffering and self-sacrifice merely depress and discourage other people. If you want to make others happy, start by living the kind of life and doing the kinds of things that make you happy.

LET HAPPINESS BE YOUR GUIDE

Make happiness the organizing principle of your life. That is, compare every possible action and decision against your standard of happiness to see whether it would make you happier or unhappier. Soon, you will discover that almost all the problems in your life come from choices that you have made ?or are currently making ?that do not contribute to your happiness.

There will of course be countless times when you will have to do little things that don抰 make you happy in pursuit of your larger happiness. However, as Earl Nightingale said, 揌appiness is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.?You feel really happy only when you are moving, stepby- step, toward the accomplishment of clearly defined goals that you feel will enhance the quality of your happiness.

Since you can抰 be truly happy until you are clear about your inherent possibilities, it抯 important that you take some time on a regular basis to analyze yourself and identify your strengths and weaknesses. There is an old saying, 揝uccess leaves tracks.?You can look back on your life and identify who you really are and what you should be doing with your life. One of the best ways to do this is to constantly ask yourself this powerful question:

揥HAT ONE GREAT THING WOULD I DARE TO DREAM IF I KNEW I COULD NOT FAIL?rdquo;

Imagine that you are absolutely guaranteed success in the pursuit of a particular goal, big or small, shortterm or long-term. Imagine that you have all the money, all the time, all the education, all the contacts, all the resources, and everything else that you could possibly need to achieve any one big goal in life. What would it be? This is a very important question because when you remove the limitation from your thinking, you often get a very clear idea of exactly what you should be doing with your life. Your greatest dream is an indication of your natural abilities and of what is really important to you.

All successful men and women are big dreamers. They imagine what their fortune could be, ideal in every respect, and then they work every day toward their distant vision, goal or purpose. Step-by-step realization of their ideal makes them genuinely happy.

LIFE扴 4 CATEGORIES

Dr. Viktor Frankl, who wrote the book Man抯 Search for Meaning, said that you can divide the thing you do in life into four categories. The first category consists of the things that are hard to learn and hard to do. An example for many people is mathematics. Many of us struggled with math in school and still struggle with bookkeeping, accounting, financial statements, and tax returns as adults. If you find mathematics hard to learn and hard to do, this is the sort of activity for which you are clearly unsuited. No matter how much of it you do, or how good you get at it, you will never achieve any lasting satisfaction or happiness from it.

The next category consists of things that are hard to learn but easy to do. Riding a bicycle, driving a car, and tying your shoes are hard to learn but easy to do once you抳e practiced enough. These are seldom the sort of activities that cause you to feel terrific about yourself when you engage in them. They do not demand your best.

The third category consists of things that are easy to learn but hard to do. Physical labor falls into this category. Digging a ditch with a shovel and chopping wood with an ax are easy to learn but they are hard to do, and never get any easier.

The fourth category is the key. These are things that are easy to learn and easy to do. You seem to have a natural proclivity for them. When you are engaged in this sort of activity, time flies. The things that are easy for you to learn and do are the sort of things that you should be doing with your life. They indicate where your natural talents and abilities lie. Engaging in these activities with your whole heart, and committing yourself to become better and better, will give you all the joy, satisfaction, and happiness you could want in life.

HAPPINESS IS NOT AN ACCIDENT

Everyone has an area of excellence. Everyone has something that he or she can do in an outstanding fashion. It may take weeks, months, or even years for you to develop yourself in that area so that you can really perform in an extraordinary fashion, but you will be strongly attracted to that sort of activity from the beginning. You will enjoy reading about it and talking about it and thinking about it. You will find yourself admiring people who are outstanding in that area. You will look longingly at that field and wonder what it would be like to be in it and to be successful at it. That is very often your heart抯 desire. That area of activity where you can become excellent is probably what you were put on this earth to do.

So resolve to persist until you succeed. The first part of courage is the resolve to launch in faith toward your objectives; the second part is your willingness to endure in the face of the inevitable disappointments and setbacks you will encounter on the road.

Happiness is not an accident. Happy people are those who deliberately do the things that invariably lead to happiness. Happy people are those who know what they want and then throw their whole hearts into using their unique talents and abilities to make a contribution to the world in the achievement of their goals.

You are put on this earth with a special purpose, programmed with unique talents and abilities that have not yet been fully tapped and utilized. When you focus all your energies on unlocking your true potential, you can claim your ultimate birthright: happiness

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Happiness And Health Are The Two Most Important Things In Life

The world is becoming obsessed with money and all things material. From the size of your house, the type of car and even where you travel on your holidays, some people are trying to go one better do their friends and family.

For me these people are quite sad. I have a friend who is similar to the people above, he is always thinking of money, always talking about money. How to earn it, how to spend it etc. He is part of a lottery syndicate, there are about fifty people in this syndicate. When he goes out on the Saturday evening, he always takes with him a piece of paper with the numbers on and a little pen. At around nine o'clock he phones his girlfriend and she tells him what the numbers are for that particular night. He then spends around twenty minutes checking the numbers, and then re-checking to see if he has any winning lines.

He then returns from the toilet area and is asked by other members of the group about how much he has won/lost. He has yet to have any major win to this point, this does not deter him however and for the next hour, he will start a debate, asking different people how they would spend their winnings, if they ever won the lottery.

For me the two most important things in life are health and happiness. These are two things which money can not buy. A number of years ago, my father became very ill. He had to spend around five months in hospital and he was only fifty seven. I feared the worst, even though I was trying my hardest to think and stay positive. I remember thinking, if I could give those doctors everything I own in the world, it still would not help him.

Happiness is the same, at times I have had lots of cash in my back pocket, however have been quite depressed. At other times I have had next to no money and have been extremely happy.

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Happiness is the Path to the Productive Workplace

According to the American Dream Project, the average American works between 43 and 51 hours per week. Does that make us more productive? No. In fact, the United States is ranked 8th in productivity behind countries like Norway, Italy, and France. Yet people in those countries work fewer hours. So what will make us more productive?

First, it is important to understand that the average person is only productive 5 hours a day, yet our average workday is 8 hours with fewer people taking breaks and vacations than ever before. Second, it is also important to differentiate between the higher living standard of Americans and happiness. Our higher living standard is due mostly to our long work hours and higher spending patterns, yet that standard does not make Americans more productive, nor does it make people happy. In fact, it only serves to make us more exhausted. The American Dream Project goes on to explain that this exhaustion decreases our productivity while pushing us into activities that are not necessarily correlated to happiness, but just escapism.

So how can employers maximize productivity while decreasing stress? Focus on your employees. According to the Great Place to Work Institute, the companies with the happiest employees are also the most productive. However, contrary to popular belief, money does not buy happiness in the workplace. In fact, there is very little correlation between making over $50,000 per year and happiness in general. For most people, happiness is about low stress, trust, and a feeling that they matter.

If happiness comes from trust and a feeling that they matter, then what are some things an organization can do to foster those feelings? Primarily, a company needs to have a management team that builds that sense of trust and caring. One way to bring about the caring environment is to provide services that enhance the employees?lives, like a concierge service.

Concierge services provided as an employee benefit gives employees a tangible view that their employer cares about their personal needs as well as their productivity. This promotes loyalty and productivity. It is a useful and inexpensive way to provide for employees needs, and it will help in lowering employee抯 stress levels. In fact, one company funded a study that showed 62 percent of employees would like help in getting things done and believed that the help would lower the stress in their lives. Also, 50 percent of those surveyed would pay to have more time with their families.

Those statistics reinforce the American Dream Project抯 assertion that happiness is not necessarily tied to money, but to lifestyle. If you feel like your company could use a little boost in productivity and employee loyalty, then maybe it is time to really look at what your employees need. Check out concierge services to add just a little light into your employees?lives and see how your work environment changes to a positive, productive workplace.

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The Secret to Happiness and Maslow抯 Hierarchy.

揟he secret to happiness is contentment?(Dali Lama)

If we are content with what we have, and where we are, then we are happy.
This means not grasping for attainment of material objects or even spiritual understanding, but being content and just allowing life to happen.
How does this help us to achieve the things we 搘ant?

I抦 glad you asked! This brings me to Maslow抯 theory on the hierarchy of human 搉eeds? the answer to that question is revealed within the following explanation and its accompanying story.

Maslow, was an eminent Psychologist who developed a theory on the psychological need of humans; it is often demonstrated in the form of a pyramid, and referred to in relation to Education, Motivation and Sales training.
A summary of his theory would be: that we humans have 搉eeds?that must be satisfied in an order of priority, before higher ideals can be achieved the lower ideals MUST be met.
The order of these needs doesn抰 change from individual to individual, they are as follows:

1. PHYSIOLOGICAL NEEDS, air, water, food, rest, exercise, etc
2. SAFETY NEEDS, shelter, job security, retirement plan, insurance
3. LOVE AND BELONGING, children, friends, partners
4. SELF ESTEEM (1), fame, recognition, reputation, dignity
5. SELF ESTEEM (2) Confidence, achievements, FREEDOM

If we don抰 meet all the needs in the lower levels we will always be in deficit and be trying to meet them before we can obtain the highest levels of complete self actualization and FREEDOM.

Here抯 a story I wrote to illustrate Maslow抯 theory in a practical situation, it抯 illustrated in a negative context because most of us will understand it better this way. Note: (L5) means level 5 as per above.

The following is based on a true story; some details have been changed to allow for publishing here.

A Person抯 car breaks down on an old dirt road in the Barclay plains it抯 a scorching 44 degrees in the shade, but there aren抰 any trees to provide shelter, he抯 in the middle of nowhere, outback, Australia.
He was on his way to Darwin to give a lecture on Self Defence. He had been giving these talks for some time now and really enjoyed sharing his knowledge, not for the respect that others gave him, but because he is a master of the subject and it felt good doing it. (L4/5)
At first he wasn抰 concerned about the situation and he allowed his mind to be free and 憈ake in? the beauty of the landscape, he started to reminisce about his friends and family, wondering what they抮e doing at that time, then he turned on the radio and drifted off to sleep.
When he woke up he realized that he was feeling lonely and would love to have someone to talk to. (L3)
After a few hours he started to feel a little uncomfortable and realized that he could be in some danger so he tried to think of a plan for his safety.
After some time he decided to head off in search for help.
It started getting dark and he became really worried; his senses were tuned into every sound. (L2)
Then he realized that he hadn抰 eaten since breakfast and that he was hungry and thirsty. (L1)
After two more days his only thoughts were about finding water to stay alive, he wasn抰 concerned about eating because his body knew it could survive for weeks without food, but only a few days without water.
So then his immediate concern was for the basic need of water.
SUDDENLY!! Someone jumped on him from behind, and started to choke him he couldn抰 breathe! Then his need for air was stronger than his need for water!
It was only a joke; his best friend had come looking for him when he didn抰 show up in Darwin on time.
He found the car then tracked his mate to where he found him, looking pretty rugged. Then as all good mates do, he decided to play a practical joke to give him a fright! They are still good friends today.

The end

The simple lesson here is this:

This story shows a person who had met all his needs and was at the highest level. He had truly manifested his dream into reality and how he quickly went into 揘eeds Deficit?(ND)
Clearly we must walk before we can run, If we can抰 breath we aren抰 worried about water, we NEED air, our ND is air; this is a very basic example.
To look at it another way we could say that; trying to be a highly regarded successful whatever (4/5) will not be possible if we are in ND of (1, 2, or 3).
Our ND needs attention first; this doesn抰 mean that if we don抰 have a house and family we can抰 achieve our dream ambitions.
On the contrary it means that we should, let go of our graving, yearning and striving to achieve success at any cost type of attitude, and maintain our lower levels of needs so that we can open the path to the higher levels.
Many of us, myself included have been guilty of forgetting about our needs for friends and family when we are trying to obtain the higher ideals of success.

This area can be a particular problem with the internet, because it uses up so much of our time and attention.
If we maintain our basic needs we will be able share our dreams and talk about them and believe in them and be content and happy about them.
Thus allowing our dreams to manifest into reality.
Doesn抰 it make sense that with this kind of thinking we will all be able to move on to the higher levels of self actualization?

Maintain your ND and believe in your DREAMS the rest will happen!

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The Path to Happiness

Happiness is something that so many people strive for each day and yet many times it eludes them. Often, they feel that happiness can be theirs if only their situations were different. Have you ever felt like that?

So often we get caught up in what I call the 搃f only抯? If only my husband were nicer to me. If only I had a better job. If only the children were grown and out of the house. The list can go on and on.

We can waste so much of our precious time dreaming of the 搃f only抯? So many people fall into this trap and end up miserable most of their lives.

The problem is that they are looking for happiness to come to them somehow. As if it were something that could be possessed. When happiness does happen to come it seems so fleeting that it quickly passes away.

People erroneously think that happiness is just a feeling like some passing fancy. I am here to tell you that happiness is not a feeling, it can be a way of life. Happiness can be yours on a daily basis if you will only follow some basic principles.

First, you must live in the NOW. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not promised to us so you need to be present in the now.

Secondly, you must control your thinking and the thoughts that pass through your mind. Happiness can be called a state of mind and the way to happiness is bringing your mind into its proper state.

If I live in Texas and I want to be in California I need to change states. In order for me to be in that State I need to make some changes. In this analogy we will decide to take a train. The train must be going in the proper direction and we will arrive at our destination. We must know which train we are on, or we may end up where we don抰 want to be.

Think of this train as your thoughts. That抯 right, your train of thought. If you don抰 want to stay in Texas you have to get on the right train. If you let any train of thought into your mind then you will be taken to and fro and never arrive at the destination you want.

The question then is how do we get on the right train?

The ticket to getting on the right train is called gratitude. Gratitude is an attitude and as we look to all that we have to be thankful for instead of dwelling on what our problems are we will find that we too can be whisked away to the state that we wish to be in.

There is a path to happiness and that path is gratitude.

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The Secret of Happiness

What does happiness mean to you? There抯 a lot of searching going on these days for the elusive emotion of 揵eing happy?--where do you find it, how do you create it, even what it actually is.

But I抎 like to share a little secret with you -- happiness is not just for a lucky few who were born with it.

You see, happiness is not something you can reach out and touch or put in the refrigerator and take a sip when you need it. Happiness is not found on a beach in Hawaii (really!) or in a perfect body. It抯 not even in that perfect relationship that Tom Cruise tries to sell us in the movies.

Yet from the images bombarding you every day, it抯 easy to make the mistake that happiness will arrive on your doorstep when you have the latest car, the best clothes, a fancy home, isn抰 it? It抯 easy to get caught in the trap of thinking that if you could just find the right person, they抎 arrive with a box of happiness attached to his/her hip. But all this does is convince you that happiness is something to be found outside of yourself.

And that抯 where you get off track. Because the secret is that happiness is simply a by-product of creating and living a life that works, a life that you enjoy -- whatever that is. Happiness comes from doing what you what, where you want to do it, who whom you want to do it with.

And yes, I can hear all of you -- 揃ut I can抰 get the job I want because I抎 have to go to school for 8 years, and I have to live here because I can抰 afford to move, and what do you mean 搘ho I want to do it with?because I want to hang out with Bill Gates or Oprah Winfrey or Bill and Hillary Clinton?

And thank you all for making my point for me.

You see, happiness starts by believing you have control over your life; and grows by making choices that will give you a sense of well being, satisfaction. Happiness comes from deciding that you *will* go to school for 8 years if that抯 what it takes. That you *will* organize your life until you can afford to move. And that YOU decide who to hug, how much to smile, what music you listen to, and who you hang out with, even if it抯 not Bill and Hillary.

Happiness is about making the best choices you can about who you spend your time with, how you making your living, how much you learn, what you put into your body. Because when you feel good about the space you抮e in, when you抮e with people you admire and respect and they admire and respect you, when you抮e working on a project that抯 meaningful to you -- happiness will shine right through.

And that抯 no secret.

Decide today to stop chasing happiness, and instead choose three things that you love to do, that contribute to your feeling of well-being and satisfaction. Schedule time for them, every day if possible, every week at least. It doesn抰 have to be for a long time, just 10 minutes a day will help you create the happiness that you抮e looking for. Guaranteed.

And that抯 no secret either.

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Intentional Focus: Your Happiness, Your Success, and the Law of Attraction

What have you been focusing on lately? On how well life is going for you? Or on how much business you抳e been doing compared to last year, or how well your superiors have been rating you? Or on how much your partner loves you and how much you revel in the relationship you抮e having? On the excellent state of your bank account? On your ever-present good health and slim and trim physique? Or on the joy you experience each time you sit down to dinner with your teenage children? On the wonderful vacation you came back from recently and the even more exciting one you are planning for the near future? Or on the good way you feel about yourself and all the things you are creating and doing with your life?

What You Think is What You Are

I can just hear you spluttering. 揥hat kind of romantic thinking is this? Where do these ideas come from? I don抰 know anybody who thinks like that.?

True. Most people don抰 think like that. In fact, most people think the exact opposite of that. Most people concentrate on all the things that are going wrong with their lives. Most people spend much of their time thinking about their problems and wondering how they are going to solve them. Most people think about all the things that could go wrong with their lives or about the people or events that stand in the way of their success. Most people think and think and think about whatever it is that worries them, because they believe that that is the way to resolve the problem. The fact is that most people focus so much on what they are afraid of, or what bothers them, or what stresses them, or what they don抰 know how to solve, that they are giving all or most of their conscious and subconscious energy to a negative outcome ?the problem.

What Kind of an Outcome Do You Want?

Consider this: the more you give your energy to one thing, the more that thing has a possibility of coming into being. If you concentrate on getting a university degree, you will most likely achieve that goal. If you concentrate on writing a book, you will again probably achieve that goal. But what happens if you continually tell yourself, while you are concentrating on getting the degree, that you are not intelligent enough to pass the exams, or that you simply are incapable of understanding the course material? And what happens, if you continually tell yourself while you are concentrating on writing the book, that you will never be able to write well, or that your story is not good enough? Obviously you are not only undermining yourself and sabotaging your desired outcomes, but you may also be creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Focus and Intention

So what can you do? Let抯 assume you are convinced that you lack the intelligence to pass the exams. Or that you are convinced that you will never write well. You have a goal, and that goal is to get a degree or to write a book. In order to focus on that goal, your mission is to ensure that your thoughts are aligned with ?or intentionally focused on - that goal. Therefore, whenever your thoughts stray from the goal into negative territory, you need to pull them back into the arena of positive results.

Goals and Fears

But focusing on a desired goal is very hard for a very simple reason: we are far too used to focusing on the fears surrounding the goal (I am so afraid I will never have a great relationship, rather than imagining in your mind抯 eye the great relationship in the way you want it to be; or how will I ever get that promotion rather than imagining in your mind抯 eye the way you will feel when you do get the hoped-for promotion).

How to Focus

So how do you focus? When you worry, and your mind goes around and around a problem, or some stress in your life, you are very focused on the problem. It is exactly at that moment that you need to re-focus and see your desired goal or outcome in your mind抯 eye, rather than all the problems you associate with it. The more time you spend on whatever it is you want to have in your life ?whether this is a material goal, a professional goal, a relational goal, or whatever ?makes absolutely no difference, the more you will be in a position to achieve it, to attract it into your life. The more you think ?and focus ?on that goal in a positive way, the more you allow yourself to "feel" the way you would feel if you already had the results, the more likely it is that you will attain your desired outcome. This is the Law of Attraction.

Intentionally Re-focus on the Positive

Remember: the time you spend worrying about the desired outcome is time spent focusing on the opposite of what you want, so become very aware of all your thoughts and focus them in the right direction. Do this consistently each time you catch yourself thinking the negative version of your goals until intentionally re-focusing on the positive becomes second nature. This habit is like strengthening a muscle, if you do it every day, it will happen more and more frequently and naturally, and soon you will find that not only do the majority of your thoughts and feelings focus on the positive direction of your goals, but that those positive goals become part of your reality.

As A Man Thinketh

Make time to read a complimentary copy of the e-book version of James Allen抯 classic As A Man Thinketh by signing up for my free monthly e-zine and begin to understand how your thoughts and your feelings contribute in immeasurable ways to the fulfillment of your goals and dreams. How they create the very fabric of your life. And how you ?by taking charge of your thoughts and feelings, and by focusing with clear intention can make a very different life than the one you may currently have.

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Happiness Versus Pleasure

We are a pleasure seeking society. Most of us spend our energy seeking pleasure and avoiding pain. We hope that by doing this, we will feel happy. Yet deep, abiding happiness and joy elude so many people.

There is a huge difference between happiness and pleasure. Pleasure is a momentary feeling that comes from something external ?a good meal, our stock going up, making love, and so on. Pleasure has to do with the positive experiences of our senses, and with good things happening. Pleasurable experiences can give us momentary feelings of happiness, but this happiness does not last long because it is dependent upon external events and experiences. We have to keep on having the good experiences ?more food, more drugs or alcohol, more money, more sex, more things ?in order to feel pleasure. As a result, many people become addicted to these external experiences, needing more and more to feel a short-lived feeling of happiness.

Thomas sought my counseling services because he 揾ad everything??his own successful business, a lovely wife and children, a beautiful home, and time to enjoy life. Yet he was not happy. While he had momentary feelings of happiness while watching a ball game or socializing with his friends, he also felt anxious and depressed much of the time. In fact, the anxiety had become so bad that he was having almost constant stomach pain, which his doctor told him was from stress.

As we worked together, it became apparent that Thomas抯 main desire in life was to have control over people and events. He wanted others to do things his way and to believe the way he believed. He was frequently judgmental with his employees, wife, children and friends, believing that he was right and they were wrong and it was his job to straighten them out with his judgment and criticism. His energy would become hard and tough and he would be like a steamroller in his efforts to get his point across and get others to do things his way. When it worked and others gave in, Thomas felt a momentary pang of pleasure. But the pain in his stomach kept getting worse and worse, which is why he decided to consult with me.

Thomas also wanted control over his own feelings, and would often judge himself as harshly as he judged others in an effort to get himself to perform well and feel okay. He especially judged himself harshly when he felt rejected by others, frequently telling himself that he was an inadequate jerk.

As we worked together, Thomas began to see that happiness is the result of choosing to be a kind, caring, compassionate and gentle person with himself and others ?quite the opposite of the judgmental, controlling person he had chosen to be. Thomas learned that happiness is the natural result of being present in each moment with love and kindness toward himself and others, rather than with being attached to the outcome of things and trying to control the outcome regarding events and others?behavior. He discovered that he felt deep joy whenever he let go of control and chose caring instead. The anxiety in his stomach went away whenever his intention was to be a kind and caring person rather than a controlling one.

It is not easy to shift out of the deep devotion to control and become devoted to love and compassion toward oneself and others. Our ego wounded self has been practicing control since we were very little. Yet the moment our intent is to control, our heart closes and we feel alone and anxious inside. Our intent to seek safety and pleasure through controlling others, outcomes, and our own feelings leads to an inner feeling of abandonment and emptiness. We abandon ourselves when we are trying to control our feelings rather than be kind and compassionate with ourselves. Our anxiety and feelings of emptiness lead to more seeking outside ourselves to fill up with pleasurable experiences. The momentary pleasure leads to addictive behavior.

When the intent shifts out of controlling and not being controlled to becoming loving to ourselves and others, the heart opens and joy is the result. Deep and abiding happiness and joy are the natural result of operating out of the spiritual values of caring, compassion and kindness.

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The Easiest Way To Achieve Happiness

People always think that what they want is money, relationship, material possessions, but what they truly want is happiness. Wealth, health and relationship are just the rewards of being happy. Happiness is a state of vibration that is in harmony with the universe. As you have already known, the same frequency vibrations tend to attract each other, so the vibration of happiness is going to attract more wealth, better relationship and better health, since these things is going to add more happiness to your life, and they are in the same vibration. If you go after money, you may not get it, if you go after happiness, money will flow to you. The same apply to relationship and health.

I believe the ultimate goal in life is to achieve a state of well being, or we can simply say happiness.

Is there an easier way to achieve happiness? The answer is Yes! and I am now going to show you how.

I had learned one phrase from Dr Wayne Dyer, and I would never forget. The phrase is " How may I serve?". Dr dyer said that before his seminars, he will always sit for mediation, and repeat the phrase as a mantra "How may I serve... How may I serve?". He never bring any notes with him, and when he speaks, the words just keep flowing to him. He knows exactly what to say, and what to teach. Dr Wayne Dyer is one of my best role model. He has achieved great success in almost every ear of his life. I believe the one single most important element to Dr Wayne Dyer's success is this mantra "How may I serve?"

Ask yourself now "How may I serve?". This is the key to ultimate happiness and fulfillment in life. I would like to share some of my own experience.

The most enjoyable things in my life at this stage is writing articles that can makes a difference in the quality of people's life. Whenever I finish writing an article, I feel the positive energy all over my body. I sometime get puzzled myself, where does this information come from? How do I write so many articles, having thousands of people read my articles every week? I finally realized the secret is within this phrase "How may I serve?".

Every time when I write a article for my newsletter, I sit in front of my computer, and ask myself "How may I serve, How may I serve?". Strangely, the ideas will come, and I put my fingers on the keyboards, then words just starts following.

I didn't understand how this process works, until one day I realized that the information does not come from me, it comes from God (or the Higher Intelligence), I am only an channel for the information to flow. I am a channel that God has created to serve the world. Because that is what I am here for, so when I am serving, I feel positive energy, and I feel happy.

I have learned that my life purpose is to serve, and I think this is applicable to everyone. This is what God wants me to learn, this is also what God wants you to learn. You will only truly feel fulfilled once you realize this truth. "Your life purpose is to serve" I am sure you have heard of that "If you seek happiness for yourself, it will always elude you, if you seek happiness for others, you will find it for yourself." I know this is why every time I finish an article, I feel so happy, because I know that my article is going to benefits thousands of people, and It is going to change the world to some extend. Maybe 90% of people will not take any action after they read my article, this is nature of human being., but I know as long as they read, their awareness is expanded, and they will see the difference in the long run. For that less than 10% of people who do take actions, I know my words are going to change their lives for the better. What a great thing I am doing! I am proud of it. I am feeling so happy about it.

So start from today, find ways to help other people . Find some way to serve. You will get addicted to it, because it is so enjoyable to help. Your help is going to change people's lives.

I often receive emails from my subscribers asking me for help. You can imagine how happy I am after I answer their questions? I know that this person's life is going to change for the better just because of my words. How wonderful that is!

Here is an secret I want you to know...

The person who benefits the most is not the one you give service to, but yourself. You may find it sounds strange, but this is true, and it is governed by the universal law of cause and effect. Anything you cause others to experience will come back to you, and multiplied. If you cause others to experience love, you will find more love in your life; If you cause others to have wealth, you will have more in your own life; if you cause others to succeed, you are guaranteed to succeed. This is the law of the universe, and it never fails.

So, whatever you want to experience in your life, cause others to experience first. This is the most powerful ways to attain your own desires, and the easiest way to achieve happiness

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Reframing with NLP For Enhanced Happiness

I used to work for the Independent National Newspaper in Canary Wharf, London. I can remember in the build up to Christmas, my department was having a large and expensive new computer system installed because the newspaper was being relaunched, it was when Andrew Marr and Rosie Boycott were becoming joint editors, I digress? The system was being put in just before Christmas, but it was a massive task, with numerous issues & overruns. As Christmas approached, there were still a number of teething problems, which led to stretched relations between the system supplier and the newspaper staff.

At one meeting about the integration of the system, my director had been trying to get more time investment from the installation company, only to be told that their people weren抰 going to be available on Christmas day. My director was frustrated and furious, asking 揥hat are you doing that抯 more important than sorting out our system!?? Without hesitating, the guy from the installation company said 揇elivering Christmas hampers to the elderly.? The impact was immediate; everyone in the room started laughing & my director joined them, realising that he抎 perhaps been a bit unreasonable. Everyone knew that the story about the elderly wasn抰 true, but that didn抰 matter ?the statement had changed his perception of the situation, instantly, & he started behaving more reasonably.

Changing the contextual frame:

There was an advertisement for the Guardian newspaper, which showed a set of still photographs arranged in a particular action sequence. The photographs showed a large framed man with very little hair on his head, wearing jeans and boots, running along a pathway with a real purpose.

In the first frame he is running towards an elderly lady; in the second frame, you see him knock her violently into the street; in the third frame you see him make his escape, obviously and seemingly this is another thug terrorising the elderly.

Then, when you turn the page, you are presented with some wider angle shots. In the wide-angle shots, you see the elderly lady casually walking beside a building that has building works being carried out upon it and where a cement mixer is about to topple from a scaffold. An alert pedestrian notices the situation and heroically runs towards the lady, pushing her clear of the building area. A moment later, the cement mixer falls to the ground in the spot where the lady was standing. The initially perceived 憈hug?has in fact saved her life.

By changing the frame, the creators of the advertisement had changed the context of the man抯 actions. Suddenly, what was perceived as typically criminal then became valiant and altruistic. His actions were transformed in a moment as they were reframed. I am sure you know of many other examples of this.

One of the presuppositions of NLP and something that fascinates and tests me, is that every behaviour is useful or valuable in some context. Upon learning and reading about this in the embryonic days of my learning, I did do my best to do the opposite! I wracked my brains for things that I just could not reframe. Of course, I could not do so for long. It抯 just a matter of stretching your brain and finding a context that makes it useful; I have not always found this easy. This process is referred to as context reframing.

Every behaviour is useful in the right context:

Now here is a challenge for you. For any behaviour, no matter how frustrating or apparently without use or value, see if you can find a context where it抯 useful. Once you find such a context, a subsequent act of presenting the behaviour in the new context is reframing it. If it was originally a behaviour that was treated very seriously or was problematic, you may then also want to think about adding humour or a playfulness in the way it is re-presented;

Firstly, identify a complaint, either about yourself or someone else, a simple structured to begin with, for example; 揑抦 too [x].?or 揝he抯 too [y].? (Eg. 揑抦 too impatient? 揌e抯 too selfish.? 揝he抯 too messy.?

Next up, ask yourself 揑n what contexts would the characteristic being complained about have value and/or usefulness??
Thirdly, create several answers to this question, and then craft it into a 憆eframe?

For example:

揑抦 too impatient?

Example answer: 揑 bet you抮e quick-thinking in an emergency.?
揝he抯 too messy?

Example answer 揝he抎 be good to have around if we were trying to make our home look like it had been burgled.?(I don抰 like to be too serious!)

揌e抯 too selfish?
Example answer: 揥e抳e had so many problems with people not taking care of themselves, it抯 often good to make sure you look after yourself to be in a better position to help others .?

Now, I know these are a bit lame with some of my own tongue in cheek-iness added, but they don抰 have to be that useful at this stage; it抯 more important that you give yourself the freedom to be creative so your brain gets the pattern of what you抮e doing. What抯 more, when you have to do that and develop better reframes for yourself, your learning is far more comprehensive than if I were to spoon feed you responses to regurgitate.

The next step is to come up with reframes for any complaints that you (or others) have about yourself. This can be a lot of fun if you do it with someone else. (ie. you say 揑抦 too [x]?then they generate reframes.)

By the way, the example of 揑抦 too sexy?as in the 90s Pop Band 揜ight Said Fred?chart topping hit is not really appropriate ;-)

When reframing something someone says, rapport is important (otherwise reframing can seem like a very focused & deliberate attempt to annoy someone.) If you present someone with a reframe, ensure that you have a good level of rapport with them, best start with friends and/or family (assuming that you have rapport with them!)

Fifth, once you get the hang of it, start looking for opportunities to use context reframing each day, starting with the less challenging ones.

In a business context for example, one of the most powerful ways to use reframing is when people have objections (whether you抮e selling a product, a service, an idea, or yourself.) reframing is a gentle method of working with someone as opposed to having to sell which many people are uncomfortable with. When you reframe someone抯 objection, you can remove or alter its power. I once read the objection 揑抦 worried ?What if I train my staff and then they leave.? The response: 揈ven worse, what if you don抰 train your people and they stay.?

When you discover and create a way to change the context of someone抯 objection, it alters the way they perceive it. This has been know to be an extremely effective way to overcome objections entirely.

Finally, for these initial steps of reframing, write a list the objections you get most frequently in business or complaints made in your life and generate a number of context reframes for each one. Then, look forward with a sense of anticipation to the next time someone offers that objection. Please bear in mind that you are opening up options here, not covering things up, if a particular problematic issue is occurring, sometimes it may not be appropriate to just reframe.



Both my Grandparents on my fathers side were 80 two years ago and we had celebratory family gatherings. As I walked into one of the celebrations I asked the standard question "So, what's it like waking up on your 80th birthday, Grandad?" To which he replied "Better than not waking up on your 80'th birthday".

Now, I抎 like to start playing with 慶ontent reframing.?If a footballer kicks the ball into his team抯 net, it抯 called an 搊wn goal? but if a soldier accidentally shoots one of his fellow soldiers, it抯 called 揻riendly fire?(Sounds kind of cuddly, doesn抰 it? But you would not want any coming your way.) George Orwell抯 1984 had plenty of examples of content reframing (eg. the ministries of peace & truth) that live on today in many forms (a peacekeeper missile, anyone?)

So, content reframing involves changing the meaning of something.

Right, to develop this further, follow this procedure; identify a complaint a complaint or issue with the structure 揑 feel [X] when [Y] happens.?(Eg. 揑 feel angry when he does not help?or 揑 feel frustrated when I make mistakes?

Next, ask yourself 揥hat else could this (Y) mean?? 揥hat else could this (X) mean??or 揥hat else could this situation mean?? or ask 揌ow can this (X) or (Y) be interpreted?

Then, you can come up with several answers to these, and then create a 憆eframe?

For example:
揑 feel upset when I see the mess these kids have made?
Example answer: 揑t抯 good that they can be 慽n the moment?without worrying about a few things being out of place.?Alternate example answer: 揂 little untidiness is a small price to pay for happy children.?Another example answer: 揟he fact that it抯 messy means they抮e expressing their creativity.?
Obviously, if you were to offer these reframes to someone who is annoyed or frustrated, I would suggest that it would be a good idea to get in rapport with them first and of course to select your words carefully.

As with my previous examples, these aren抰 the most amazing reframes in the world, but they don抰 have to be that useful at this stage; it抯 more important that you give yourself the freedom to be creative so your brain gets the pattern of what you抮e doing.

Now, you can come up with reframes for any complaints or issues that you can identify for yourself or others. This can be a lot of fun (honestly!) if you take turns doing it with someone else. (ie. you say 揑 feel [X] when [Y] happens?then they generate reframes.)

Then, once you get the hang of it, start looking for opportunities to use content reframing each day. For spreading good feelings around and helping people to lessen the easy natural way that they can sometimes get 揵ogged down?in the trivial. Depends on what you consider trivial though, be careful and thoughtful.

Once again, in a business sense, content reframing is also very powerful for dealing with objections of all sorts. For example, a reframe I sometimes use when someone objects to the price of consulting with me (I am sooooo expensive!) is to respond with something along the lines of:

揑f you are after a cheap consultant or therapist, then you are right, I am not for you. If however, you want to invest in your future then maybe I am. If your child needed a serious operation, would you look for the cheapest surgeon? Then why look for the cheapest way to make changes in your life that are important enough to seek help with??
Again, I do have my tongue planted in my cheek as I write that riposte, however, I am sure you see where I am coming from here.

Then finally, list the objections you get most frequently & generate a number of content reframes for each one. Then, look forward with a sense of anticipation to the next time someone offers that objection. Remember to keep rapport with people when doing this! Or in jargon-free speak, relate, empathise, connect, get on with.


Good luck with your reframing and creating more harmony.

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Seven Keys To Happiness

This article summarizes much of what I抳e learned thus far on my journey to self-discovery and positive growth. Along the way, through many of life抯 ups and downs, with the help of many awesome teachers and mentors, I now most often live in a state of happiness and contentment. I still have lots to learn but I wanted to share with you what I抳e found most helpful thus far. I truly believe that all people have the capacity to choose their mental attitude. Therefore, if happiness is what you desire, then you must choose it. Here are some helpful ideas to help you do just that.

1. Self-Worth
Self-worth梬ithout it, happiness will always be just beyond your grasp. Self-worth is, of course, something that can be measured along a continuum. It isn抰 like you either have it or you don抰. You can possess varying degrees and those degrees can themselves vary depending on the circumstances of your life.

Generally, the person who is happiest has a healthy amount of self-worth without an inflated view of their own self-importance. This is the fine line that must be walked between confidence and arrogance.

Confidence implies a certain sense of surety while recognizing that each of us is just a different cog in a very big wheel. No one person is any more important than anyone else. Those with high self-worth know their life抯 purpose. They are in tune with what their mission is and proceed to make it their life抯 work. They also recognize the value of everyone else with whom they share space.

Those who are arrogant recognize their own self-worth but then proceed to look down upon those they deem as unworthy. Then at the other end of the continuum, there are those who recognize the importance of others but don抰 believe they are worthy to breathe air.

A healthy balance of self-worth is the key.

2. Gratitude
The second key to happiness is gratitude. It is human nature to enumerate the things that are NOT the way we want them to be. We are programmed to notice when things are off, and not necessarily appreciate when all is as we want it. This makes maintaining an attitude of gratitude a challenge but nonetheless something we should strive for. I have mentioned before that Universal Law tells us that we attract those things we think about most often. When we are grateful for what we have, more is bestowed upon us.

I know someone who believes, 揘o good deed goes unpunished?and lives his life accordingly. Another person I know always says, 揑 have the worst luck. Nothing good ever happens to me.?And you know what? They are right! The Universe delivers to them exactly what they expect. There are others who have similar bad luck but who persevere or find the lesson in the situation. These people find more happiness and contentment in return.

Another point about gratitude is to be thankful for what you have. I love the line in the song that says, 揑t抯 not having what you want; it抯 about wanting what you got!?There抯 nothing wrong with wanting to do better than you are as long as you are grateful along the way. Even when things are bad, there is always good to be found in it. Life is in perfect balance and order. Anything with a great deal of pain associated with it also has a tremendous positive side if we are of the mind to see it.

3. Positive Life Framing
The third key to happiness is positive life framing. There are three ways to view any piece of information梡ositively, negatively or neutrally. Viewing information as neutral is the best way to go through life. It allows us to accept everything as it comes and to stop resisting what actually is in any given moment. However, many of us have great difficulty with that one.

As an incremental step, it is helpful to find a way to reframe life抯 negative events into positive ones. Even in life抯 tragedies, there is a way to find something positive about the situation. Almost always, in hindsight, we can see the benefit. The real benefit comes when we are able to see the benefit as the tragedy unfolds, or at least stay open to the thought that there is a benefit even if you are unable to see it in that moment. Just as in physics where there can be no neutron without a proton, so it is with life where there can be no negative event without a corresponding positive one.

4. Internal Locus of Control
The fourth key to happiness is possessing an internal locus of control. People who have an internal locus of control believe that they are responsible for their own behavior and its results based on their own personal decisions and efforts. This is contrasted with those who have an external locus of control. These individuals believe that their behavior is determined by external circumstances such as other people, fate, luck or circumstances beyond their control.

Having an internal locus of control produces a 揷an do?attitude. An external locus of control generally results in a helpless attitude. Even though people with an internal locus of control still have situations that occur that are beyond their control, they will seek some action that can be taken by them to improve the situation. They do not spend time bemoaning the fact that something bad happened to them. They look for decisive action opportunities to turn things around.

In this way, a person is more in charge of their own destiny. They can reject the role of victim and take definitive action to create greater life satisfaction.

5. Lifelong Learning
The fifth key to happiness is to adopt an attitude of lifelong learning. Your goal each day should be to learn something new. As you encounter new people and situations, look for the wisdom that can be extracted from them. Particularly in areas where we believe we made a 搈istake? seek to uncover the lesson. There is always a lesson to be learned.

When we believe we know all there is to know, that is when we are in dangerous territory. When we think we know all, then we stop learning from the people and situations in our path. When we stop looking for the lessons, we begin to blame things external to ourselves for the pain we experience instead of seeking to learn whatever we need to know for our life抯 journey.

6. Love
Love is the sixth key to happiness. I am not talking about having a significant other in your life who loves you. I抦 talking about having love inside of you that is just bursting out of you to touch others. Unconditional love is a concept we all strive for梪nfortunately, most of us are looking to receive it rather than give it. You are truly fortunate and blessed when you have the unconditional love of someone梬hether it抯 your life partner, your mother, father, aunt, uncle, grandmother, grandfather, foster parent, friend or puppy!

Truly unconditional love is rare and a gift to be cherished. However, ask yourself the question, how many times have you extended unconditional love? Do you have unconditional love for your fellow human beings? This is the kind of love that will lead to happiness. It doesn抰 matter if that special someone doesn抰 love you back, it抯 what抯 in YOUR heart that matters. Are you someone who only loves as much as you feel you are being loved in returned? That certainly isn抰 unconditional! If you are seeking love in your life, then you must be loving in order to attract the love you seek. This will lead to the ultimate happiness條oving, expecting nothing in return. Try it.

7. Contribution
The last key to happiness is contribution. This is a combination of knowing and following one抯 life purpose. When people understand their divine purpose in this life and then go about fulfilling that purpose, they are making an awesome contribution to the good of mankind. Having meaningful work and leaving a legacy is an important key to happiness. When we do the work we were meant to do, we touch lives. It doesn抰 matter whether one抯 purpose is to clean the public restrooms or to find the cure for AIDS, following your divine purpose will bring about a strong life fulfillment that cannot be experienced any other way. Contribution is critical to happiness.

Implementing these seven keys to happiness in one抯 life is not an easy task. Personal coaching can be helpful as you are attempting to change some old, harmful habits into more productive, happiness-inducing ones. Jack Canfield says, 揙f all the things successful people do to accelerate their trip down the path to success, participating in some kind of coaching program is at the top of the list. A coach will help you clarify your vision and goals, support you through your fears, keep you focused, confront your unconscious behaviors and old patterns, expect you to do your best, help you live by your values, show you how to earn more while working less, and keep you focused on your core genius.?Why not give it a try?

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How to enhance your personal happiness

How often have you heard the cry 揂ll I want is to be happy??Sometimes this has been followed with,?Surely, that抯 not too much to ask for?? Not too much to ask for. This suggests two things for me. That the person thinks that happiness is an entitlement and that it is someone else抯 responsibility to give this or make this for them.
I have had various periods throughout life when I would say that I have been happy and also other times when I have been unhappy.
I began to think about the happiness question and chose to look at my childhood in my quest for a possible answer.

My maternal grandparents lived on a farm which was very isolated. It was not on a bus route. After taking three buses then a taxi we would have to walk the remainder of the way over fields and dirt tracks to the house. Until I was nearly seven, we spent a great deal of time there. Sometimes my twin sister and our mum would go and dad would visit on a weekend. Often it was just my sister and I in the summer for 6-8 weeks at a time. The only people we saw were my elderly grandparents and an uncle who lived there too.
Other farm hands converged on us when it was lambing or dipping time.
A grocery van came twice a week, as did a baker. The butcher came once a week and a drapery van twice a year. That was always a bit of an occasion!
We had our own cows for milk. I can抰 recall fish being a part of our diet.
There was a television which was switched on for wrestling on a Saturday afternoon
and twice a week for Crossroads. This was such a big event that we would all get
washed and scrubbed, then change into our best clothes to sit and worship the box for
half an hour.
We went to bed early and were up early. Papa would knock gently on the bedroom
window and meowed pretending to be a kitten. We would always go along with
this charade in delight and rise to go find the cat.

I was deliriously happy! I am able forty years later to recall in vivid detail this
period of my life.
To me, life seemed full of texture. Yet, I am sure that the majority of people would
have felt deprived leading such a narrow type of existence.


Why was I happy?

1.I was comfortable with who I was. There was no one around to compare myself with either favourably or disfavourably.I thought as I wanted to and behaved as I chose to with no negative feedback from anyone.

2.I was often alone, but never lonely. I always felt particularly close to my grandfather and my uncle and got the distinct impression that they enjoyed me for who I was and I know that even back then I was somewhat 搊ff the wall!?They were there whenever I wanted them but did not intrude on my time or tell me what I should be doing (in the knowledge that I was safe and doing no harm.)I had lots of animals around me, dogs, sheep, and cows. I had wood pigeons and a bull finch called Hughie Stewart. I thought that they knew me personally and their recognition made me feel special.


3.I had the ability to adapt to my surroundings. At home, I had toys, books, other people抯 dogs and friends on my terms. At Cumberhead, I had lots of animals around and knew where to go to see foxes and badgers. There were wild violets, berries to pick, smell of hay, brooks, opportunity for creative play, and cow platters!

4. I took what I could from wherever I happened to be. I didn抰 hanker to go home. When it was time to go home, sometimes a couple of months later, I looked at this as something else to enjoy. I could take pleasure from the moment I was in and not look for the problems.

5.I was extrovert and creative. I took responsibility for my own enjoyment, physical and mental stimulation. I invented games. I developed a scoring system for jumping in cow platters, based on how fresh it was the amount of crust on top and number of flies interested. No one was ever angry about the state I arrived back in. I would sleep during the day so that I could watch the badgers at night. I sometimes slept in the barn so that I could be with a particular dog or an orphaned lamb.

6.I felt safe. No one was ever angry .Everyone treated each other fairly. Animals were respected. I wasn抰 aware of what was happening in the world but I knew I was in control of how my days were and I was never bored.


7.There were large vegetable, fruit, and flower gardens. Egg laying hens, milking cows, sheep. It was an environment that changed with the season and was always exciting to me. I was encouraged by as sense of constant springtime. A time of hope and new growth. Optimism pervaded life.

8. I am sure life for us was different, perhaps even strange compared with that of our peers, but it had its own structure and a sense of security. I had a sense of purpose. My goals were realistic and achievable and not influenced by what others were doing or felt I should be doing. They did not compromise my values. I only wanted to be with 搈y?animals. I spoke to them and enjoyed them at all stages. I was not criticised by others for being so animal orientated. I packed as much as I could into my day. I went to bed tired and satisfied each night and looked forward to doing it all again the next day.

If you are unhappy, it may be beneficial for you to reflect on when you were last truly happy. Work out the reasons why and see whether the rules you adopted for yourself then can bring you happiness again now.

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The Essence of Happiness

I will never forget the dedication in the book of one of the most reputable experts on the subject of motivation, the American Dr. David J. Schwartz, The Magic of Thinking Big. When his six-year old son completed kindergarten, Dr. Schwartz asked him what he would like to be when he grew up. Without hesitation, the child replied, 揇ad, I want to be a professor.? 揂 professor? A professor of what?? Dr. Schwartz asked. 揥ell, Dad,?his son replied, 揑 think I want to be a professor of happiness.? 揂 professor of happiness! That抯 a pretty wonderful ambition, don抰 you think? To them - David, a fine boy with a grand goal, and to his mother, this book is dedicated.?
If we were to ask what light is, we would get the most accurate description from a person who had lost the ability to see, and if we were to ask what freedom is, we would certainly get the best explanation from a person who had lost it. However, I do not believe it necessary to ask anyone what happiness is.

Most people think that happiness is a result of personal qualities and circumstances which cannot be measured. For others, the goal of happiness is 揳ll or nothing.? One of the best tennis players in the world, Arancha Sanchez-Vicario, gave the following answer to the question 揥hat is a nice day for you?? 揂 day that I feel happy.?
There is no direct road to happiness, except through our own adaptation and adjustment. But what does that mean? It means that we should not live our lives waiting to become happy, but rather continuously and persistently dedicating ourselves to learning to experience personal happiness. Sometimes people are blind to the happiness around them, and the more opportunities for happiness they get, the unhappier they feel. For truly happy people, time ceases to exist; they seldom peek at their wristwatches. There are no unsolvable problems for the truly happy. They constantly smile and simply live their lives.

So what can we do to adapt to this new way of living?
We shouldn抰 always wonder and ask what we need to do in order to achieve absolute happiness. Sometimes, quite often in fact, we must know what not to do - what we must avoid and distance ourselves from - so that we can become happier. An obstacle for our happiness could be fear of acting wrongly or incorrectly. This is a problem we experience from very early childhood to our golden years. The problem exists because we are used to other people telling us what is proper and improper - what is right and wrong. If we decide to form and develop our happiness ourselves, it is up to us to balance the guiding influence of moral and social conventions with the fundamental freedom of moral self-determination.

Regardless of how they connect with our careers, our education, business, family, health, wealth, perfection, glory and power our dreams and desires have their own paths. Once we are able to truly believe that we will find and follow this path, we will certainly become happier. Such faith gives us enormous power, divine guidance and inner strength to walk our path with confidence and accept our challenges with grace. Therefore, we have to learn to strive toward giving our best effort every day, to carefully measure all our thoughts, words or deeds, and to try to realize whether they make us happy or unhappy.

The ultimate goal is achieving absolute happiness. Millions of people look for it, but only handfuls create it themselves.

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Simple Happiness

If you aren't happy, why aren't you?

Chances are it is because you want something which you do not have, objects or conditions. This is probably not a good enough reason and a review of your situation and perceptions may be in order.

You may have seen video of children in very poor countries laughing and playing, unconcerned that they should have more to be happy about. They are happy because they are playing, because they have their friends and family, and some food to eat that day. Everyone has the right to be happy, and if they can be in their situation, shouldn't you?

"Happiness consists more in small conveniences of pleasures that occur every day, than in great pieces of good fortune that happen but seldom to a man in the course of his life." - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

Happiness is inside us, in our minds, in our thinking. It is not external material things or experiences, but the enjoyment of our thoughts and feelings. This is good because our thoughts, and therefore our happiness, are up to us.

Start by reviewing the things that you have to be happy about and dwell on these. Don't overlook the little or basic things that you take for granted.

Make a habit of substituting unhappy thoughts with happy thoughts. Whenever an unfavorable picture enters your mind, eject it and replace it with a pleasant one. We all have some nice experiences to recollect and there are usually little pleasures around us most of the time. You can even imagine enjoyable experiences, and it will have a similar positive effect.

"Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you." - Nathaniel Hawthorne (1804-1864)

Establish good principles and conduct yourself according to these principles. Love, or at least be tolerant of, your fellow humans. Don't strive too hard for that which, in the end, will not make you happier.

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Looking for Happiness? Stop Looking in Your Neighbor's Yard

We抳e all heard the clich?慣he grass is always greener in our neighbor抯 yard? What they don抰 tell you is that his grass still has to be mowed, watered, weeded, raked and fertilized.

The Buddha was the first to recognize that emotional pain can be just as real and debilitating as physical pain. Through careful observation he determined that people were good at spending time on their physical hygiene, but spent little or no time on mental hygiene. He believed that the key to finding happiness was in relieving one抯 emotional suffering and that the best way to reduce this suffering was by controlling our emotions.

Just as a good mother watches where her children go, the wise man watches where his mind goes. One of the harmful emotions that the Buddha taught we need to watch is envy.

Envy is time spent wanting what our neighbor has instead of time spent enjoying what we have. Now it抯 true that when used properly envy can be a terrific motivator. The problem is that real envy -- always wanting more and then discovering that more still isn抰 enough -- is difficult to control.

The Buddha taught that the way to achieve happiness begins with turning negative thoughts in to positive ones. The successful landscaper knows that for his lawn to thrive it needs to be weeded and fertilized. The person seeking happiness can begin by following his example and weeding out any negative thoughts and then planting positive ones.

Many people believe that happiness is just a winning lottery ticket away, but true happiness is not based on how much we have, but on how little we need. Happiness is accepting, appreciating and enjoying what the world has to offer. True happiness can only be achieved if we spend more time weeding out envious thoughts rather than in trying to match or better our neighbor抯 lawn.

Just because an elephant is the biggest doesn抰 mean he抯 also the best animal in the jungle.

Sometimes it is as simple as taking the time to look back at how far you抳e come instead of always looking ahead to where you want to be. When was the last time you took a moment to pat yourself on the back for the things you have accomplished?

Besides, maybe your neighbor works harder at his yard than you do, or maybe he抯 just luckier. Is matching or bettering your neighbor抯 accomplishments really that important? We all get to choose how we spend our time.

Stop looking at your neighbor抯 yard and start enjoying your own, that抯 what it抯 there for. Weed out the envy and you抣l find your whole outlook improving. Happy gardening.

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Quiz - Can Money Buy Happiness?

Can riches buy happiness? Wealth can buy many luxuries, but not happiness. Money cannot buy contentment. Money can surely buy us time with a psychiatrist with who we can talk about our unhappiness, but no amount of money can buy us happiness. Sometimes more money, and status can rob us of happiness. Think of many very rich people. They cannot move around like ordinary citizens. They will be immediately stared at. They have lost a lot of freedom in quest of money and fame.

What gets us happiness? We get happiness by doing what we like. We do not get happiness by forcing us to do what we do not want to do. Our happiness comes from our satisfaction of doing our heart felt desires. Our contentment comes from that. Money can destroy friendships, and break family relations. The more money you have, the more people expect from you. If you refuse, your relationship goes downhill. Sometimes I wonder if we have more than our minimum requirement of money, will we be happy at all?

If you have a giving nature, money can buy you happiness of a different kind. When you visit an orphanage, and are able to donate as much as they want to feed the small kids, you will feel a sense of genuine happiness. Money can make you do good things in life that make others happy. When you make others happy, you become happy.
Money can help you do that. No expensive dinner can make you feel as happy as the smile on the face of parents to whom you have given money for their childrens medicine.

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Life Happiness

Is it really possible to attain a lifetime of happiness or is this just some dumb dream that we all have from time to time ?well I can抰 promise you a lifetime of happiness each and every day of your life ?JUST MOST DAYS.

Now if someone had told me that a few years ago I would have quickly made my apologies and run well away from them ?they could have been aliens from another planet trying to capture me with their crazy ideas, but then are those ideas so crazy after all?

I had lived a pretty average life just like the majority of us ?nothing really spectacular had happened ?I left school, went to college, got a job, got married, had children, went to work to provide for us all, took my holiday entitlements and repeated the same sequence of events and activities each year. Nothing wrong with that I hear you say and OK that抯 how we all live so what抯 wrong with that? ?right? ?well NO actually.

How many times have we looked at our lives and just wondered what it was all about and was there anything else- perhaps a meaning and a purpose to life ?that抯 made all the more important when you抳e become a raving alcoholic like I was and was living in a mobile home on my own after a separation from my wife and children.

What happened on that December day in 2002 was nothing short of a modern day miracle and even now, writing this, the hairs on my arms stand up as I still can抰 quite believe what has happened ?not only am I back reunited with my wife and children and more in love than I ever was before I抳e never touched either a drink or a cigarette since that day and even more astounding have never had the urge or desire for either one of them since.

I have never enjoyed life so much as this and the buzz I STILL get, almost 3 years later just gets better and better.

I am still so overwhelmed by what happened to me and so wanted to share this with the world that I wrote my book in the hope and anticipation that it can have the same dramatic affect on your life that it did on mine and that you in turn can have the same effect on theirs ?now what a legacy that would be to leave mankind.

A recent testimonial, exerts of which are included below, show just why I want this book to reach and touch people who are looking for what I抳e found.

I LAVISHED your book. My life was in shambles; my wife had divorced me and tonight I was in such a state of despair that I had rung my Mother to tell her that suicide was my only option - after reading your book I have a peace about me that I have not had since I was 19 and I'm 56 now. Thank you thank you for allowing God to speak through you to me - I now feel a complete relief from all the pain and misery I have known for the past 37 years and I thank you for saving my life - actually GOD SAVED MY LIFE but you threw me the life preserver - may God continue to bless you, your family and your ministry.

Roy Thompson, Atlanta, Georgia - royjrthompson@bellsouth.net

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Happiness Is About Connection And Gratitude

People complain. They抮e complaining all the time about everything. As a child, I was innocent enough to believe what people were saying. I really thought there were plenty of valid reasons to complain: the weather (most often), lack of money (runner-up), the neighbors, husband or wife, the children (me, in this case), civilization (or the lack of it), bad health, etc. I assumed the world just turned out to be like this and there was nothing much we could do. It was called 揻ate?or something.

The thing to do was to pray. Not to ask for a better life. No! I learned to pray to ask God to forgive me for my sins. I was a nice little girl, doing very well at school, polite with the neighbors, helpful at home, so it was rather difficult to keep finding sins for our weekly confession. But because human beings are profoundly sinful by birth, they told me, I had to go confess anyway. The nuns at school came up with a solution to help us out: they 損repared?our sins for us. Every Wednesday, on confession day, they gave us a pink paper with our 揷onfessions of the day.?I remember feeling sorry for the poor priest, hidden in his little black cabin, spending the entire day listening to the confessions of 600 little girls, endlessly repeating the same sins over and over?
Growing up, I figured something was missing. Pretending to be sinful by repeating sins someone else had cooked up for me, that could not be what life is about. I refused to further confess sins that I had not committed. I refused to believe that I was the cause of my misery, and that I had to pray every day without things getting better!

When I was 26, I went to Africa. There I met my husband (he抯 from Belgium) and together we had a wonderful time, with plenty of sunshine and plenty of money; circumstances people usually don抰 complain about, right? According to my childhood logic, people only complain for a reason: lousy weather (too cold, too much rain), lack of money, etc. But what I discovered over there seriously opened my eyes! My 搘hite?friends just went on complaining: about the weather (too hot), about the service (5 servants and still they were complaining) or about how things were too expensive ?while they were earning 5 times as much as before!

I discovered there and then that the complaining was not based on any objective reasons. I also noticed that the black people, who were living in their villages with close to nothing, were not complaining. I got interested in this phenomenon: they had nothing except a big smile on their face, while we had everything and were still complaining! How could this be?

It became crystal clear to me that the complaints had nothing to do with the outer circumstances. It was an attitude, a habit. Next, I wanted to find out where this habit came from. So I examined the way of life of the local people and compared it with our way of life. When I finally came up with the explanation, it changed my life forever!

There are two important differences between them and us. The first difference is that they have a social network to help everyone in the village. They stick together. They don抰 push out people who don抰 fit the norm. In our society, everybody who is a bit different is sent to an 搃nstitution.?An institution is a place to collect those individuals who cannot follow the fast pace of society and thus fall out of the boat. Most institutions have great walls to prevent us from 搒eeing?that these people really exist. They look more like a prison than a shelter.
Who are these people that don抰 fit in our society, put away behind walls so we don抰 have to confront them? They are the disabled, the diseased, the dangerous ones, the mentally retarded or disturbed, those who are too slow (they go to special schools), too difficult to handle (they go to educational institutions) and those who are too tired and too old (we put them in expensive homes).

There in Africa, everybody stays in his own village and is accepted and taken care of (except the really dangerous ones, they go to prison). Everybody has a natural social network and access to help. You are not isolated from society merely because you cannot walk or because you are mentally slow. They stick together. I figured out that inner loneliness and isolation is one of the main reasons why we are complaining so much.

The second difference is that all of these people are connected to something 揼reater?than themselves. They have a strong faith in a god who takes care of them. They spend a lot of time performing rituals to please their god(s) and get good health and harvest in return.

I gave these two differences a lot of thought and concluded that creating social networks of people and a solid relationship with something bigger than ourselves, are vitally important fundaments of human happiness.

It抯 all about 揷onnection.?Connection to each other. Connection to the Universe. In the meantime I found out that good things can happen only when we stay connected to each other and to the Universe. I started studying the Laws of the Universe and spent a lot of energy helping people establish a connection to each other and to the Universe. In fact, this became the very purpose of my life.

Many people think they are alone, without help, and have to do everything by themselves. This is not the case. You are guided, you are loved by Something Greater than your little personality. Try to feel this connection. Take time everyday to connect to the Source. Do like the African people I was lucky to meet so many years ago: create a real connection between yourself, the Universe and people around you, without being overly dependent on others. You will never feel alone again and you will be able to spread a lot more love around.

Living this kind of 揷onnected life?will make you forget about your former complaints. What抯 there to complain about? Your complaints will be replaced by gratitude! Say 搕hank you?to the Universe for all the things you already have, and for all the wonders that may still cross your path. Express your sincere gratitude for all the love you have received and will keep receiving throughout your life. Be grateful for the clean water coming out of the tap by a simple gesture of your hand, while many people spend six hours every day to get a little bit of water, and others die of thirst. Be grateful for the light you switch on with a simple flick. Large parts of the world have to do without electric power! Say 搕hank you?for the variety of food that is available to you every day ?a lot of people have to get by on one scarce meal a day, or are simply starving.

There is so much to be grateful for. I felt so ashamed there in Africa, at 26 years old, hearing my white friends, bathing in luxury but still complaining, while my black friends, who had close to nothing, were laughing, friendly, grateful and most of the time quite happy with the little things in life.

It抯 all in the mind. Gratitude and happiness are an attitude, a state of being. It has nothing to do with circumstances. The attitude is gratitude.

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